April 14, 2024
Just some beautiful flowers to brighten the day!!!
I am wired and tired. My usual insomnia has kicked it up a notch. I'd like to think I'm feeling this way because it is spring and the world is coming back to life, but I don't know. I'm pooped! I have so much to do...what needs to be done and what I want to do...yet I can hardly get out of bed, especially at any kind of decent time, and once I do, I have very little motivation to get some actual work done. Seriously, my christmas trees (good thing they're all plastic) are still not put away, my birthday cards and decorations are still on the kitchen table. I had planned two months ago to clean one room a week in my house...I've cleaned two. And, I've only just put away my outdoor christmas decorations, yet we've had great weather for spring decorations for about a month now and none of them are even out yet.
But now there's something more. My body wants to run...and run and run...but my brain is like "Are you Mad!?" She so badly wants to sleep but then when it comes to bed time she's absolutely wired. I meditate, I do somatic exercises, breathing techniques, and they all sort of help, and at some point, I do finally stop my feet from rubbing together (running in place...Restless Leg Syndrome), calm down and fall asleep, but lately, not two hours later, I've been waking with some very energetic, vividly colourful dreams and then I am wide awake again. Usually the second time I wake, I lay there exercising and breathing, and this takes a good hour this time to fall back to sleep, but now I'm already too worked up from dreaming and it just keeps repeating itself for the rest of the night/morning...and I don't drag my tired butt out of bed until around 11a.m. And this is after I try to go to bed by 11:30p.m. but don't fall asleep until closer to 1 then I wake up at 2:30 then 4ish, lay awake until 5ish, wake again at 6 something then 7, 8, 9, 10, then it's 11 and I do more exercise and breathing just to get my day started.
Ya...I'm tired!
I feel like I am drained of energy but completely over stimulated. I want to RUN, and I want to Crash, all at the same time. It's just a little after 9p.m. right now and I would love to go to bed...however, when I start to get ready for bed I wake up and by the time I crawl into bed I'm ready to run again...and then begins the feet rubbing...
And those dreams...nightmares? hmm, questionable...they make me feel all twisted inside. I am tense and confused with the story they tell, and I can't get rid of one before the next one comes along...every time I wake there's another one to try and figure out...try to understand what it was even about. If you've ever watched the Twilight Zone, you'd understand what I am talking about. I hated that show!!! I hated how bizarre and screwy and all over the place it was...but this is how my dreams are right now and it makes me flustered and anxious...or even more so than my usual flustered and anxious...and again...
I AM SO TIRED! But, I am also, SO FREAKEN WIRED!!!
Raining as the sun comes out!
