November 23, 2024
Trigger Warning - Abuse is mentioned
I have had a number of untreated traumatic brain injuries (TBI) from a very early age. The first I am aware of was from when I was 2, I was knocked unconscious and had to get stitches across my right eyebrow...this scar is the reason I know about that injury because I had asked about it. Apparently, the dog knocked me off the back porch and I landed headfirst on the asphalt...ya...sure...the 'dog' did it...likely story...
The second that I know for sure happened was when I was 7 and the other kids were climbing on a camper which I was told I wasn't allowed to do. Ya...right, like I'm 'not' going to do it now...I climbed on everything all the time, but now I'm not allowed while all the other kids are...so I climbed it, fell (that broad is a jinx), was again knocked unconscious, and woke the next day with stiches inside my top lip ... scared shitless as I staired at two nuns standing in my hospital room. It was Easter Sunday, and they had brought me a plant as a gift...but waking from a nice sunny day outside at my parent's residence the day before, to facing two strangers in nun outfits standing beside my bed...terrifying...I swore I was dead, and totally freaked out...haha...the joys of being an odd kid... So, these two I know for sure were severe traumatic brain injuries, and I know I didn't receive treatment for either of them.
Then there were the random bangs that I'd give myself, hitting the top bunk bed regularly, falling off things like the horses, monkey bars and swings, or out of the hayloft and trees, plus down sets of stairs a few times, on ice and snow who knows how many times...playing too rough and hitting myself on things...usually hard enough to see stars...
I had banged my head jumping over a small gate between rooms hitting my head on the top part of the door frame, man that killed. I banged my head on a car door frame and saw white spots. I've ran into a tree while playing with a kite...apparently it was hilarious, I still don't see it as funny...it fn hurt. I stepped on a garden rake left lying in the tall grass and it smacked me clear in the nose...apparently that was funny too, but mostly just oh so very painful.
I had also been beaten up a few times in grade 8 by this boy who liked me...one of those times he broke my nose, another time he kicked me a few times in the stomach sending me to the floor hitting the back of my head on the tile, so I'd say those were some pretty traumatic head injuries also. Then when I was in my late teens, I was made to remove a metal outdoor dog run that was pretty well buried into the ground. I was told to really pull and heave, then suddenly the C clamp that was holding a top bar to a side bar let loose and it came flying around smacking me directly in the bone between my temple and eye. It hurt so fn bad that I dropped my gloves like in a hockey fight and swore my ass off while trying to walk it off. I ended up with a good black eye from that and one hell of a headache...but I always had headaches so who knows if that was the culprit.
I've been in a number of car accidents, none of my doing (yet...knock on wood) but I have put a farm tractor in a ditch and almost killed myself. I've been snowboarding once. Having never done any downhill anything, I was unaware of how hard this was, and being the forever people pleaser that I am, agreed to go with my 'friend' as she was adamant that I would be fine. I fell the moment I got off the ski lift, hitting the ground so hard my toque shot straight off my head...it took me over two hours to get down that black diamond hill...I hurt from head to toe...my head was a mess.
Mostly though, I use to get physically abused with hits to the head pretty regularly and quite brutally...this is where I think most of the TBI's are from. Sometimes it was just a swat and sometimes it was full blown beatings. Sometimes it was just an open hand, other times a fist, or worse, whatever was in grabbing distance from where we were standing. These were from at least the age of 8...I don't remember a whole lot from before I was 8 thankfully...but I know it was at least 8 until I was too tall to hit on the head anymore, so maybe 14, but then they became body punches instead...they didn't hurt as much. My head was always sensitive, and everything always hurt...I'd say that's probably because of the ENT issues I had since birth...but I'm also stupidly sensitive to everything so...
My poor head has seen way too many injuries and none of them have been treated or even investigated. I really wonder how much of my problems come back to those injuries. I am waiting for my next appointment to talk to the Neurologist about all this because I feel they have a lot to do with why I am the way I am. A head can only take so much.
The symptoms I have that come from an untreated TBI are...
chronic pain - Trigeminal Neuralgia - Fibromyalgia - Arthritis
dizziness - vertigo - balance problems
memory loss - difficulty recalling information
headaches - migraines
hearing changes - tinnitus
mood swings - irritability - easily startled - on edge
depression
cognitive impairment - confusion - difficulty concentrating
sleep disturbances - insomnia - difficulty resting - fatigue
vision problems - visual snow syndrome - light sensitivity
gastrointestinal symptoms - IBS - GERD - food sensitivities - nausea - chest pain - hypoglycemia
PTSD
anxiety
ADHD
tension - jaw/teeth clenching - neck pain - TMJ pain
tremors
If a TBI is left untreated, these problems can last for years...I'm just curious to know if this is what caused all my symptoms, and if so, is there anything that can be done about it? And again, if so, what is the long-term outcome of this, as my own research indicates Parkinsons and Alzheimer's are possible...Parkinsons is already in my family. I would like to be prepared for what may be the inevitable and maybe get a hold on it, keep it at bay, for as long as I can. There's just so much wrong with me that I'd like to know for certain what I am dealing with and is there anything I can do to make my life a little more manageable so I can at least enjoy it somewhat more than always having some sort of bs to deal with. I am working very hard on my mental health, I go for psychotherapy regularly, now I need to get my body on board too so I can also heal her along with my mind as best I can.