People Who Side with the Abuser
- Connie Porteous
- Mar 18
- 3 min read
Updated: Mar 20
March 18, 2025
It's crazy to me the amount of people who side with the abuser. Maybe it's just easier siding with the abuser, believing the abusers lies, then to believe the victims' truths? Maybe they don't want to believe these abusers could be this awful? Maybe they don't want to face their own abuse, so they ignore the victims cry for help? ... Or ... Maybe these people are just as sick as the abuser? ...this, sadly, is what I feel to be the honest truth...
But, for whatever reason they have ... I have a very hard time understanding others not siding with the victim/survivor ... obviously, because being a victim (survivor), from childhood on, that's just ingrained into me. But I just can't understand why they think the victim is lying, what is the point to lying, it gets you nowhere...why would anyone make up such absolute bullshit...hell, just telling the truth is difficult when it comes to abuse, why in God's name would anyone make that up. Talking about abuse, reliving that abuse, is horrific...why the F would anyone fake that. I'm always on the side of the victim...I will always be there to advocate for them. And if I can't do anything to help, I will always be there to listen, so they know they are not alone. That is why I share my stories ... so they can know these other people's lies and gaslighting, is bullshit. That what is happening to the victim is wrong, and that the victim deserves far better than what the abuser and the abusers' 'cronies' are giving back.
What really bothers me is, I truly fear for the children of these people who side with abusers. What are their actions, or inactions, telling their kids...especially their daughters? But even their sons. They're condoning the behaviour of these abusers right in front of their own children. And in some cases, their own grandchildren!!!!
... Seriously, is this the story you want them to go away with ...
"My Mom thinks it's ok for one partner to financially ruin the other partner. My grandma thinks it's ok for the husband to rape their wife whenever he chooses. My dad thinks it's ok for a partner to isolate and abuse the other partner. My sister doesn't care if my husband abuses our kids."
Or even worse ...
"I can't turn to my mom because she will say it is my fault. I can't tell dad because he won't believe me. I can't tell grandma because she'll call me a slut. ...because this was how they treated others whom they didn't help ... if this is how they treat their other friends and family, why would they then turn around and help me, or even believe me, when I'm in the same situation?"
Oh, and even worse ...
"It's my fault. I asked for it. It isn't that bad. I must be too sensitive. He doesn't mean to be this way; you're just taking it out of context." Because Mom, Dad, Grandma, Grandpa, Sister, Brother, Aunt, Uncle, Cousin, Friends, who turned on the victims in their lives, to side with the abusers, stated exactly those things. Making light of the situation, and that the victim was at fault. The abuser was the good person, they would never do anything like that. ... (Which is funny because no one knows what it's like behind closed doors. Unless you live with that bastard you have no idea, yet they still would rather side with the abuser. And especially a narcissistic abuser, because on the outside they just dazzle, flaunting fakeness like sunshine. But the moment that door closes, it's all storm clouds and cold wind.) ... ...but narcissism/narcissistic abuse is an entirely other blog...
So, Dear Victims/Survivors, I am here for you; even if your Mom, Dad, Brother, Sister, Grandma, Grandpa, Aunt, Uncle, Cousin, In-Laws, Friend, don't want to be there for you, don't want to believe you, or worse, make it out to be your fault, I will be here for you! I know what it is like to walk this pain alone, to suffer in silence, to be made out as the 'bad guy' in a world that I had no chance in. I will be there for you however I can, even if it's just me sharing my stories so you can feel less alone!! We are tough, resilient and can withstand their storm. Stay strong, there are still good people out there...sometimes they're just harder to find...keep telling your truth, you'll find them. My heart goes out to you!!!
Explore the harsh reality of 'People Who Side with the Abuser' and choose to ignore victims' truths. Understand the impact and join the conversation in this heartfelt blog.
"Tonight, Tonight" - Smashing Pumpkins
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