Beautiful Hayfield on a fantastic fall day!
I couldn't walk much further than this today with the pain I am in because of my hip, but I wanted to get a few photos as it was so amazing out!! I love this time of year!!!
September 27, 2024
My Outside Vs Inside are so incredibly different. On the Outside, my life looks pretty well put-together. I'm neat enough to be seen in public and have a pretty happy demeanor. When people ask me how I am, I always say, "I am great, thank you!"...and no one knows the difference...sadly though it's all a facade...because, on the Inside, it is complete chaos and getting worse by the day and very few people see this.
I'll use my beautiful home as an analogy...since I enjoy doing that...
My beautiful home, from the outside, looks tidy and pretty well kept. The lawn is cut, there's beautiful flowers in the gardens and pots, and there's always nice seasonal decor out on the porches. It looks pretty darn great from the road as people pass by. But, looking closer, you see the weed whipping and trimming hasn't been done all summer, the flower beds have lots of weeds mixed in, and the potted flowers require a lot of deadheading. But, the majority of it still looks pretty good.
Then we step into the house, or any of the buildings on the property for that matter, and that is where the chaos is, inside. Every building, every room, has far too much "stuff" in it. Piled up, disorganized, unnecessary, but still impossible to change. The more I look at it, the worse it seems to get, and I say to myself "I'm going to change this"...I'm going to give stuff away, I'm going to clean, I'm going to make it easier to care for. But then when I finally get to it, I have no energy. I am in a ton of pain all the time, so I am always already extremely tired. I can't seem to see past the mess anymore to actually clean it without feeling exhausted, knowing the work involved, and what it will do to my already sore body, when I get right down to it.
So, this is just like me. On my outside, I have a cute little haircut. My clothes are clean and still in decent shape. My car is clean. And all still looks pretty good. But inside of me, the craziness that's running rampant, is just like the inside of my home and the other buildings. It's all piling up into a horribly disorganized mess. My brain is full, and as hard as I try to calm her down, the talking, and running, and ruminating, and daydreaming just keeps rolling and rolling, filling up, taking more and more space, making a mess everywhere. Then there's my body, she too is full...of pain mostly, but there's swelling, stiffness, grinding, pulling, just constant discomfort, making everything so difficult to accomplish. I can hardly do the bare minimum anymore, so it all keeps getting further and further behind. My home is a mess. My cats are a mess. Every building on this farm is a mess. My head is a mess. My body is a mess. I am a mess!!
And yet from the outside, it all looks pretty good, myself and my home. So, as I stand around with my happy little smile, claiming I am great, just like my beautiful home from the outside looks pretty good, no one realizes that inside of me, just like inside my home, it's absolute chaos.