October 23, 2024
On the topic of my goals, as per my last blog, I figured I'd share a little more on these as they are why I am trying so hard, writing and sharing as much as I do...to heal and make a career for myself all at the same time.
Obviously, my main goal is to heal...the trauma, the pain, the other physical health issues, the mental health issues...as best I can, and as far as I can go. I'd really like to have a bit of reprieve from all my issues, especially since most weren't even my doing initially. Yes, I take responsibility for the problems I caused myself, but a lot of my problems were forced on me as a very small child that, because I never got proper therapy, stayed with me causing more problems along the way. My goal is to try and release those terrible burdens forced on me and then I can heal somewhat. I know this will happen as I have been already making great strides in my healing and I am very happy and proud of myself for my accomplishments so far, and I know my writing is helping me with this.
My goal with my writing, asides from helping me release these burdens, is to also help others hopefully heal as well. I know sharing my stories help others who are in the same situations I was in, to at least feel a little bit less alone, if nothing else. But, for the most part, I'm trying very hard with my writing because I'd really like to make a career from it. I'd like to change my circumstances and make a life for myself where I am self-sufficient and no longer living in poverty. I don't know if I will ever be healthy enough again to have a full-time job outside of my home, so writing really is my main focus right now to give myself some financial security. I really do enjoy it; it has helped me in so many ways already, and I know it can make a difference for others too with my sharing. And I'd really like it if it could help me get above water and be able to take care of myself again.
Part of my writing goal is to become an author with my five-part memoir, beginning with Part 4 that is being finalized and getting ready to publish. These books are extensions of my blogs as I wanted these stories to be written more in-depth, to give the real feel of what I was dealing with, giving the reader a true account of my situations. In a blog I couldn't be as deep and detailed, and I needed to release these burdens comprehensively to give my Parts their chance to speak and tell their true stories...to be truly heard so they can heal from their horrific past traumas.
My next goal is to turn my blogs into video podcasts where I can really dig deep down into myself and share more of those stories. I feel this will help me really express myself as, although blogging is great, I've enjoyed getting the main story out of me and onto a forum where I can share, I feel I need to go further into myself and actually really release these burdens that have buried themselves deep into my psyche and my body, causing all these unrelenting mental and physical health issues. Yes, I am feeling a heck of a lot better than I ever have, but I know I can do more, I know that I can feel even better than this, and I am more than willing to try, to keep fighting, to keep working at this, although healing is hard and exhausting, I know I can do it and I totally deserve it.
Then my next goal is to become a motivational speaker. I've been told numerous times that I should become a motivational speaker by many people that I have shared some of my stories with over the years. Every one of those people felt that I had made them a better person for sharing my stories with them, and that I could make a real difference in the lives of others. They stated that, although I have been through so much, somehow, I am still happy, working hard at making my life better, that I didn't let all that crap harden me or make me even the slightest bit of a bad person. Instead, after all that, I am still kind, compassionate, empathetic, understanding, caring, thoughtful, and just try to give my best to others to help them whenever I can. I know my anxiety would make things difficult for me up on a stage, but the audience that would be there would already know my mental health issues and I would just make light of it (forever the class clown), and we'd all laugh and go on about the event.
These I feel are all obtainable goals and I think that sharing these goals, and then manifesting them, will be encouraging for myself and for others who may be in my situation and trying to change their lives as well. We all need to help each other up and motivate one another on our journey to lead a more fulfilling life ... every one of us deserves that!