Narcissists

February 12, 2025

I had spent a good portion of my life living with narcissists. What a shit show that was. They can look you dead in the eyes and tell you they'd never hurt you...immediately after they just tore you apart for absolutely no apparent reason whatsoever. All with a smile on their face. They really do not see what they have done, nor that what it was they did was wrong. "It was for your own good! You'll be better for it." ...the crap that comes out of their mouths...

Narcissists are the worst abusers, as they make everyone believe they are the nicest, kindest, most honest and committed people. But once behind closed doors, they become the most erratic, mean, controlling, entitled, bullying, abusive, manipulative, snobby, vindictive asshats anyone could ever imagine. But no one will believe that, because that's not what they portray to the average person. And they don't use that sneaky persona on just anyone...they have specific targets that only get to see that Part, this way they can keep up the charade of a good person while they break their target down to nothing.

They spend a lot of time lying, making their target out to be such a terrible person, although, most often than not, their target is usually one of the nicest, most subservient people anyone could ever meet. They usually just want to make others happy and will turn themselves into a pretzel to give everything of themselves to others. The narcissist sees these people from miles away and latches onto them like a horrible, glutinous leach, sucking everything they can from their victim...and that sweet victim is more than willing to give everything they can to make that person happy.

The relationship starts out beyond nice, and the victim is completely dragged into it. They are love-bombed; made to feel like the most wanted, most attractive, most important thing in the world. They believe everything the narcissist tells them, because the narcissist has studied their target and knows all the right things to say. They know how to lure their target in, to have them let down their guard, then let down any boundaries they may have had, just to appease this narcissist. And the narcissist is so charming, they know exactly what to say and do, and their target eats it up. However, once the narcissist has their claws in deep on their target, they begin to change. It's small at first but there are red flags. The victim however sees past these flags as the narcissist tries to 'fix' the damage they've already started. Slowly, but surely, they begin to tear away at the soul of their victim, breaking them at first by tiny little bits, but by the end, it's full out war, and the victim is the only target for all the proverbial bullets, bombs, and raids. They are the only POW of a war that no one knows about, and if others do know, they either don't believe the victim, or they just don't care. So the victim is left to suffer this war alone, trying so hard to stay alive, keeping their captor happy ... which is a feat just in itself as the narcissist is never happy, and never pleased, with anything their victim does ... even if it's done exactly the way the narcissist wants it done, they'll still find a way to pick it apart and make their victim pay. It's a constant circle of the victim trying to please the narcissist, and the narcissist trying to destroy the victim.

The victim so badly wants, and tries, to get away, but usually has no way out. The narcissist had broken their victim so badly that they are now dependent on the narcissist. They have financially destroyed the victim. They have isolated them from anyone who may have actually once cared about the victim. They have crushed their self-worth and self-esteem, and they feel like they can't do anything for themselves anymore.

The moment it seems the victim is finally able to escape, the narcissist turns back into the original loving, caring, charismatic character they portrayed at the beginning. But if that tactic doesn't work, and the victim who has had enough still tries to leave, this is when the narcissist finally shows their truest, darkest colours and begins to crush what is left of their victim...breaking what little spirit they still might be holding onto...that small glimpse of light.

It's crazy, dangerous, terrifying, lonely, and oh so fn sad to be under this sort of villainous ruler. Wanting and trying so hard to escape but being absolutely terrified of the outcome. Just the idea of trying to start over is incredibly terrifying...now add an angry, somewhat psychotic, evil tyrant trying to crush you like a bug under their huge heavy boot. And almost everyone has been turned against the victim, so they have to do this basically alone.

So not only are the victims terrified of the outcome, of the narcissist, of the lack of finances or any sort of help, but they are also being blamed and ostracized by their own friends and family, because the narcissist has made the victim out to be the reason for the breakdown in the relationship. The others don't seem to see how broken the victim is, how tired and different they are compared to before they met the narcissist. They don't seem to see the financial ruin the narcissist has put their victim through. These people don't hear the victim when they tell of the actual abuse they are receiving daily by this narcissist. They just turn on the victim because there's no way the narcissist could ever do anything like this...like what the victim is telling them. Although others can see that the victim is no longer the person they once were, they can see the victim has been living through some sort of unseen hell, they still don't believe them, they just let the abuse from the narcissist continue and even don't try to help...and worse...they don't even try to believe the victim...making the victim that much more broken and alone...

The victims even begin to blame themselves as they think maybe it is their fault. Maybe they should have tried harder. Maybe it is the victim taking it all out if context and that the narcissist really isn't that bad. But the victim can only take so much, and despite all that negative talk, deep down they know it isn't them...they know it's their abuser, the narcissist, that is breaking them down to nothing...just as the narcissist sees their target as nothing. If the victim is lucky, they are able to find a way out. Maybe they find some really kind people who see the narcissist for what they truly are; they actually believe the victim and help them escape the horrific, constant, unrelenting abuse the narcissist has been putting their victim through.

I was lucky twice. The first was sort of good, but it dragged me into another narcissistic situation, but it wasn't as bad as the one I had escaped, so I looked past his abuse as it was minor compared to what I was dealing with before him. The second one was absolutely wonderful, they helped me get away from my worst narcissistic abuser and into a safe and beautiful life now where I am able to heal and learn who I truly am. Building self-esteem, self-worth, and boundaries. I have never been so happy, free and safe in my entire life. I am so grateful, blessed and lucky to have met these amazingly nice people who helped me escape my narcissistic abuser.