This Incredible Man is the only man I have ever felt absolutely safe around. He treats me with kindness, love and respect, he is a truly good Man!!!
(He had to earn that trust, it was easy for him he's Incredible, but he still had to work for it.)
May 3, 2024
There is this debate going on about whether a woman would rather encounter a wild bear or a strange man in the woods...the majority of women are saying Bears...and rightfully so. If you encounter a bear, you already know their intent. You know to leave them alone and walk the other way. They are not out to be malicious; they're just out doing their thing as a wild animal does. Men on the other hand, who friggen knows what they are up to. And if we see a man walking towards us, what are we to do, treat him like we do a bear - turn tail and leave, or, do we stand our ground, keep walking the same direction we were going and hope to hell the man just keeps on walking too (and during that entire encounter we are terrified and stay that way until we get home and lock the doors, usually hoping to hell he didn't follow us and now knows where we live too...my god the terror of it all).
And before you get upset with my choice...that of the bear than a man...live my life, then come tell me your answer. I've lived in the country for decades, I spend the majority of my time outdoors, usually in the woods, I have yet to be hurt by any kind of wild animal in any way, heck I've hardly even encountered a large wild animal on this farm, a coyote once as it ran past me not five feet ahead of me, and I wasn't the slightest bit upset. Sadly though, I have been hurt "Thousands" of times by men...not yet on this farm, and to keep it that way I've had to put up No Trespassing signs throughout the farm as to stop random men from coming on this property. It is not fair to me to be walking through my 'back yard' and happen upon a strange man, and each time that has happened I was petrified. Firstly, because I was not expecting another human on the farm, and secondly, I don't know what he is there for, I don't know his intentions. How can I be comfortable knowing strange men are out there lurking around, I'd so much rather have the bear, or coyote, or cougar or whatever else I know is out there...because I know they are there, I know their intentions, and I know for the most part I am basically safe. They are wild animals; they are more afraid of me than I am of them. They will hear me coming and either stay hidden or just move along. For the most part they will not attack me, and I am comfortable knowing this. A man however, I can't say the same thing about him.
The farm where I spend most of my time. This has been the only safe place I have ever lived, and I try very hard to keep it that way, hence the no trespassing signs to keep people (always trespassing men) off the property.
People often say, "Aren't you afraid of the animals out in the woods like that?" and I'd say, "I'm more afraid of the men in the city". When I lived downtown, I carried a set of keys between my fingers in one hand and a metal bar (similar to a roll of quarters) in my other hand, a tactic taught to me during one of many different self-defense courses all women should take. I'd try to stay in well-lit areas. I'd take a bus at night that was a longer route but was safer than the shorter route. Although I'd take the canal paths to get to work, I'd take the well-lit busier streets to get home at night. I always had to take numerous precautions, even in my own house...sadly they didn't always work...we are never really safe from attacks anywhere.
What triggered me to chime in to this specific discussion (asides that it's basically right in line with my life) was the post I saw on Facebook earlier in the day about this Man Vs Bear debate. Because, the funny thing was, I had just finished working out and had a creepy situation happen to me literally minutes before I saw that post. I had been working out, all by myself, on my back porch where pretty much NO ONE can see me...or so I thought. I finished cross training on my elliptical and began doing my stretches on it. As I turned around for my first twist stretch, I saw a man at the end of my long driveway, just standing there, watching, facing up my driveway, not moving, and he stayed like that for some time then finally slowly moved along. Now, I'm not arrogant, and I'm not saying he was standing there just watching me, but, again, if you lived my life, you'd be a bit unnerved by this as well. I can't even feel comfortable in my own back yard where there is no one around to see me, and yet there's still a man there to make me nervous. Not a moose, a bear, a wolf, a coyote, a cougar, a bobcat, a fisher, all these animals I know are here, but nope, a man...
This is where I was sitting when I read about the debate and the negative views from the men regarding women's choices (women are allowed to have their own choices btw). I had just finished working out on my elliptical which is just to the right of this photo on the porch hidden (or so I tried to make it) from view...and still there was a man watching from the other direction down the other side of the long laneway that is basically just as secluded as what is seen in the photos...so scared little Connie(s) wants to know why there was a man just standing there watching...like wtf.
May 5, 2024 - Update:
I added some photos of where the man was standing while I was working out on May 3rd. There's more foliage on the Honeysuckle today then there was the other day, but I still am pretty secluded here normally either way. He was just standing there in the small clearing, and after I noticed him, he stood there long enough for me to do two ten-count stretches.
It may have been nothing, but with my C-PTSD and high level of trauma, I found this quite upsetting and rightfully so.
What is sad though are the men making this about themselves. Instead of hearing women's cries for help, for justice, for safety, seeing how hurt and frightened we are, they turn it around and completely ignore the issues and are more about "Poor Me, I'm a good guy!" If you are a good guy, you'll look past yourself and notice/acknowledge our suffering.
To all the men upset with women for choosing a bear to encounter over a man; get brutally (and I mean fn BRUTALLY, LIFE ALTERING) attacked by another man, then come back and tell us your answer to that hypothetical question...I am sure you will change your opinion very quickly. Now try living this daily with different levels of abuse. When you HAVE no other choice but to live in fear Every Day of Your Life, no matter where you are, no matter what you do, no matter how vigilant you are, just because of your gender, you're going to want to run into that bear any day of the week. Whether they're hungry, angry or just passing by, they're still safer than a man.
And no man should have any reason to be upset with our answer. I'm sure it must suck being categorized into one big group like this, but you need to earn our trust, it cannot just be freely given out. We didn't make society this way, men did. We didn't choose to be terrified of men...believe me, it's a shitty way to have to feel about half the human population, it sucks and isn't fair having to be afraid all the time. Even if you are a good man, take some accountability and change our views. Stop letting this sort of shit happen. Side with the woman when she tells you she's been hurt. Provide justice for the survivors. Teach men to respect women. Show women we are safe. But until this finally does happen, the majority of us are going to choose to encounter that wild bear over a strange man out in the woods every time.