4 Leaf Clover
Wishing for better days ahead!
July 23, 2024
Fibromyalgia, that roaming, chronic daily pain that can sit at a 3, or raise up to a 9, within a blink of an eye...literally. Every day she 'keeps me on my toes' as I never have any idea of what will happen next. I know when I work it's going to get worse, but what part (or parts) is going to be affected, and to what severity ... who knows?!
Fibromyalgia is a chronic, painful illness that causes both physical and emotional suffering. For me the chronic pain is accompanied by fatigue, headaches, sleep problems, and difficulty concentrating which has all become excruciatingly worse over time. This has had a huge impact on my mental health, especially depression and anxiety, which has caused them to worsen.
The chronic pain is widespread, from my head, through my chest and back, abdomen, lower back and hips, plus hands and feet. I have tenderness in all my joints, muscles, tendons and other soft tissue. My hands, fingers, feet, and toes get a tingling, burning and numbing sensation that moves around the joints making them also stiff and painful. It's also a culprit for the stomach pain I endure as it is a cause for IBS and GERD. For me, any repetitive movements cause pain which can stay with me for days/weeks, an example is mowing the lawn, I have to wear an elbow brace, or I'll cause myself tennis elbow. Or if I do something for a long period of time (i.e. stand, sit, walk) when I change from one posture to the next my body has basically 'frozen' into that position and I have to slowly and gently move into the next posture so as to not hurt myself. Every - single - day ... something aches, something pinches, something feels like it's completely on fire...and for the most part, it travels around, day to day, minute to minute...leaving me with no indication of where it will be next. I feel like an old rubber band that has been in one position too long and is tight and can't be moved easily. My joints feel like old rusty metal in need of oil to make them move smoothly again. The medication sometimes relieves some, but not all the symptoms, it's usually a hit and miss. And asides from meditation and relaxation, low impact exercises like walking, yoga/pilates, and swimming seem to be the only things that really help.
I've had my usual daily headaches, the constant pain between my shoulder blades, and even the pain in my hands and feet have escalated, but the past few weeks my lower back, the psoas muscle, has been really torturing me. The pain comes and goes but it makes it difficult to walk as it travels back and forth between both hips. I ended up using a cane for the first time since the fibromyalgia initially appeared only because I had to be on my feet a lot plus had to walk a longer distance then what I am used to and felt I needed the extra leverage to get back and forth. I felt bizarre though, mostly because I feel I am still too young to be using canes yet, but also, I had to switch sides to alleviate the pain as I over worked one side, then the other, so the pain jumped from hip to hip as I tried to overcompensate for the opposite side...what a shit show. But all in all, even if I felt stupid for using it, I am glad I did as it really does help, and now I own my own cane and will use it when I need it. When the pain in my hips is really bad it is excruciating to put full weight on them, and it's usually in the right hip more so than the left...but if it keeps this up, I may be using a walker sooner than later, which totally sucks. But I still have my goals that I am reaching for, strengthen my core, gain muscle and lose weight, this should help alleviate some of the chronic pain.