February 19, 2024
I decided to write today about physical health, although I have a ton of things I want to discuss about mental health, because my body is on her own journey today and has her own things to say about the unrelenting chronic pain.
So. for those of you ladies who are lucky enough to be in the same stage of life as I am, well I am sure you'll understand completely what I am talking about. I get to have the best of both worlds right now, all the symptoms of Perimenopause but still all the wonderful experiences of PMS and soon menses, yay. I get all the fun of being grumpy, night sweats and hot flashes, extra tired, and sore...so very sore. Then to top it off I get to have cramps and a heavy menses for a few days. And the best part of it all, I get to PMS until she finally decides to show up, sometimes on time if I'm (and those around me) are lucky, and days late just for the fun of it...so fun...
Well, the biggest part of all this for me is the pain...oh man the pain...it just escalates from my usual 3 to about an 8. Now as you are aware, I live in daily, constant pain and because I am so use to it, a level 3 really isn't much for me anymore, but when she reaches 8, whoa, it's bad. And I have one pain, that thankfully doesn't come very often, say about twice a month, that is well over 11 (“there's no such thing as 11” ...tell that to my body part...) and takes a good half hour to try and live through. I am so grateful it is short lived, there's no way I could take much more, sometimes it takes about an hour max but anything more than that would just be torture, and no one deserves that...well maybe someone does, but it shouldn't be me...
So today I am at day 24 of my usual 26-day cycle, who knows if she'll be on time, but as of right now I get to enjoy PMS. And this lovely syndrome, being in Perimenopause, exacerbates my pain to a good 6 maybe even a 7 at times. I have a headache, like usual, but it's quite heavy today, my spine and left shoulder blade hurt so much that it's running around to my left breast, sometimes up into my shoulder, and it's hard to take a deep breath at times. The pelvic pain on my right side hurts all the way through to my glut, it feels like pinching fire. And the arthritis has every little ache snapping around my limbs but especially my right hand and fingers. Everything feels tight despite working out this morning and every movement seems to trigger another sharp snap of pain somewhere. And, although I had a pretty good sleep, I am still exhausted even after drinking 4 cups of Matcha green tea, working on cup number 5 and still nothing. For those of you who suffer with daily pain, I know you understand the constant exhaustion it causes.
The pain travels around, it has a few spots it really likes to hang out at, but the rest just kind of like to share. So, it moves from the right hip, then to left ankle, up to the right fingers, back to the ankle again, it may even stick around down there for some time just to make it interesting. It'll then travel up to the right ear and back down to the ankle...she just likes to share the fun with everything...can't let anyone feel left out...then moves on to somewhere else, again and again. And then there's that constant, dull, heavy headache, that just sits and gnaws at the back of the eyes, while also pushing against the skull, especially at the forehead, trying to see if those bones expand. This is when I say, “it only hurts from my teeth up!” as it feels like it's being crushed in a vice from the upper jaw towards the top of the skull. Any change in blood pressure makes the pounding in my head worse and my heartbeat can be heard in my ears, then a darkness starts to come over me and I begin to feel faint and far away to the point I have to stop what I am doing and hold onto something, breathing deeply to try and get my head clear again. This is me every day, but at this time of the month it is far worse and way more difficult to control and put up with.
I am grateful this transition in my life isn't worse, and I feel for those of you who do suffer even more then I, my heart goes out to you! I am glad that we are all different so not everyone will have the same level of suffering, to even not having any symptoms at all...imagine...they are blessed. And it surely isn't the worst thing in the world to have happen, I've dealt with far worse (and I've made it to this age, so that's pretty awesome), but it is a new learning curve, I'm guessing just to keep us on our toes, and although it's a lot, I am grateful to still be alive, going through this right now, despite it all.