My thoughtful Twin Sister gave me these two pieces on Friday.
They are happily displayed in my living room!
September 2, 2024
This chronic lower back and hip pain is really catching up with me. It makes it difficult to do absolutely anything. I can't walk, sit, stand or lie down, without the pain just burning inside of me. It hurts so badly that I don't even have strength to get myself up on steps or sometimes even out of a seat. I understand that a lot of the pain has to do with the fact that I need to lose weight ...haha good luck with that ("frig you {peri}menopause")... plus I also need to do more abdominal exercises ...again good luck, they are mostly mat work, and I can hardly get myself off the floor after I am done... so it makes it all tremendously difficult. Those exercises also trigger other pain, so it all turns into a lose-lose instead. And as I have mentioned before, I love working out...I'm one of the lucky people who actually enjoy the feeling of a workout. The release of excess energy and negative mood, the feel of excitement while exercising and the relaxation that comes with it afterwords. But the pain I am always in, and the pain it then also triggers, is just becoming unbearable. And did I mention, exhausting! It's almost impossible to sleep, as once I get into a position I enjoy falling asleep in, the pain begins, then worsen, then becomes a fiery, relentless burn that makes me have to move again until I find another comfortable position...which then starts to ache, then hurt, then burn, making me have to move, all over again...and again...and again...making for a very long restless night!
It has no real starting point either. It could be in the Psoas Muscle in my lower back, then in my hip, usually the right but sometimes it likes to switch things up and go to the left. It can then just be in the hip/pelvic/groin and may not be anything but tightness and a dull ache, then suddenly there's a sharp pain in the Sacroiliac Joint area that makes my leg unable to take any weight and I begin to drag my leg along mostly hopping on the other side...at least this pain is only in the right side so far...but it feels like maybe a bone spur, and it just shocks and stabs making walking near impossible. Yesterday was so bad that my Man actually went to grab for me thinking I had just twisted my ankle and was about to fall...this was his first time seeing me deal with that particular pain. It usually comes on at night after all the pain has come full force and he's usually gone home by then. During the winter I put wood in the outdoor stove late at night and by then I can hardly walk. I am grateful my Man bought me a cane in July so I can now get around when it's really bad...it takes some of the weight off so I can at least get places. I am pretty lucky this pain isn't all the time, but when it hits, it hits hard!!!
My lower back is the main culprit though. I can feel the tightness even after I've done yoga. It's relentless. I can't sit, stand, walk, nor laydown for very long, I have to constantly move as the pain just rolls around those muscles and joints, no matter how good I am feeling, they are always there. If I stand too long, I have to squat, and even just getting down into that position I have to move slowly and really pay attention to every inch, so I don't hurt myself more. It's like an old rubber band that was in one position too long and has to be slowly warmed up and stretched to be able to move into another position. That tightness happens no matter what I am doing...even walking, I still have to gently and mindful of my movements when I go from walking to sitting as my muscles have basically 'frozen' into that position.
This pain in my back/hips then runs down, mostly just my right, leg, but I can feel the stiffness and ache in my calf, and it too feels like it's burning. Plus, I can feel it burn in my tailbone at times. However, the most painful and constant spot is just to the right of my spine in the Psoas muscle and no matter how much I stretch, massage, move, rest, it always seems to have a lingering, dull ache waiting to turn full throttle and try to catch on fire. Again, I am really thankful for my new cane...bummer I have to use it but glad I have that option. I am not looking forward to using a walker, heck I'm not even 50 yet, but if it keeps this up, that may be my next move...Universe willing, that will be a long time from now! Until then though, I am going to keep trying my hardest to do what I can to ease the pain and have as best of a life that I can!!!
My wonderful Man bought me these two plants today!!
I'm excited to add them to my garden!!!