February 24, 2024
I'm so tired. I do try to go to bed early, last night it wasn't until midnight again, by the time I should be feeling like going to bed, I am awake instead. It took some convincing once I did go to bed to finally fall asleep, but I don't think it was more than ten minutes. However, I woke again at 2:20 and stayed awake until sometime after 3:30, this was the last time I looked at my clock but I'm sure it was a good twenty minutes longer of trying to meditate to calm my brain down, then calm my legs down. A couple of times I was almost asleep and then something triggered me back awake. And then at 6:30 until about 8 I had two weird dreams/nightmares that woke me up. By 9:30 I was awake, so I did my morning wakeup activities (meditation and head/neck lymphatic drainage) and was out of bed by 10:20. I've worked out, had breakfast, on my 3rd cup of Matcha green tea and now writing this blog. I have all my chores to do today as well as laundry, it being the weekend, but I am pooped. I couldn't imagine doing this and having a family to take care of as well. I commend the women who can pull that off!!! And especially the ones who have a clean house and still make themselves up to look gorgeous...just wow!!! My place is a mess and I sit here in rags with my hair pulled back in a dirty twist.
Chronic insomnia is pure evil. I am already tired from being in pain all day every day but then insomnia decides she wants to be part of the mix as well. I try everything I can to make her leave but some days I just can't get her to budge. I bought myself an awesome Douglas Foam Mattress which took me some time to choose as that is a ton of money for me, but it is the most comfortable thing I have ever slept on, so worth every penny. I exercise daily, I'm active most of the day, I meditate a few times a day. Last night I watched a Romcom movie which was super cute ("Players" on Netflix) and not at all triggering. I got my evening chores done earlier than normal so I didn't even have to go back out in the blowing cold last night. And still I wasn't tired enough to go to bed early, and definitely not tired enough to stay asleep. But now at noon, when I have a ton of work to do, I could totally crawl back into bed...I say that, but once I hit the pillow, I'd be wide awake again. Such a joke. So, I am finishing up my 3rd green tea then I'll head out to do my chores, but it'll be slow going. Too bad too because the sky is completely blue with a big beautiful bright sun, the temperature has risen some to -11C, and there's almost no snow on the ground making going for a hike super fun and easy but I'm just too tired to do that...maybe I will go for a hike tomorrow. I'll put a smile on my face though and be grateful I get to see such a gorgeous day, but I'll be dragging my butt anyway even with a smile.